623-748-4890
Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC
View Blog Navigation

Avoiding conflict with your co-parent doesn't help your kids

Some people seem to thrive on conflict. Others try to avoid it at all costs. If you fall into the latter category or maybe you just had enough conflict during your marriage, you may be hesitant to confront your ex-spouse on issues involving your children.

Conflict avoidance is not the same as conflict resolution. It often leads to a lack of communication, which can allow problems to worsen. It can also lead to one or both parents being out of the loop on important things that are going on with their kids -- both their problems and their accomplishments.

The key is for co-parents to handle conflict in a healthy manner. If you have to address an issue on which the two of you disagree, remain confident but composed. Practice what you have to say ahead of time and focus on keeping your tone calm.

This applies even if you're addressing an issue in writing. The co-parenting app Our Family Wizard even has something called a ToneMeter in its messaging system that acts as an "emotional spell-check" to alert the writer to potentially emotionally-charged sentences.

Whether you're communicating with your co-parent verbally or in writing, if your tone and words are contentious, he or she may be resistant to what you're trying to say and immediately become defensive.

Healthy communication is a two-way street. While it's important to voice your ideas, you also need to listen to and consider your co-parent's side. You may not be as far apart in what you want as you think you are.

If you and your co-parent find yourself avoiding conflict regularly or engaged in conflict that resolves nothing, it may be worthwhile to seek professional guidance from a family therapist. You may also decide to try parallel parenting for a time -- particularly if you're in the early stages of your divorce where your negative feelings toward one another are preventing you from being good co-parents.

Your Arizona family law attorney can likely recommend some good family therapists in your area. He or she can also help you make changes to your parenting plan if you feel that switching to a parallel parenting arrangement would be best for your kids. Remember that ultimately your children's best interests need to take priority.

Source: Our Family Wizard, "Why Avoiding Conflict isn't the Same as Resolving It," accessed April 11, 2018

No Comments

Leave a comment
Comment Information
  • Super Lawyers
  • 2015 ARAG | Elite Service Provider
  • AV | Peer Review Rated for Ethical Standards & Legal Ability | Preeminent | Martindale-Hubbell from LexisNexis
  • American Association for Justice | Formerly the Association of Trial Lawyers of America (ATLA)
  • Arizona Association of Family Law Attorneys - AZAFLA
  • Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC BBB Business Review
  • Association of Top 100 2019 | American Trial Lawyers
  • American Academy Of Trial Attorneys | AATA | Premier 100 | 2015
  • Family Law | Top 10 | Attorney And Practice Magazine's | 2018 | Attorney
  • Top Valley Lawyers 2017 | North Valley Magazine
  • American Institute of Family Law Attorneys | 10 Best 2017-2018
  • Veteran Owned Business - A Registered Vetrepreneur on Buyveteran.com - 2014
  • Avvo Top Attorney
  • Avvo Client's Choice
Email Us For A Response

Need legal help from an attorney?
Contact us now to schedule a consultation with our lawyers

Bold labels are required.

Contact Information
disclaimer.

The use of the Internet or this form for communication with the firm or any individual member of the firm does not establish an attorney-client relationship. Confidential or time-sensitive information should not be sent through this form.

close

Privacy Policy

Goodyear Office:
1616 North Litchfield Road
Suite 140
Goodyear, AZ 85395

Phone: 623-748-4890
Fax: 623-536-1984
Goodyear Law Office Map

Peoria Office:
16165 N. 83rd Avenue
Suite 200
Peoria, AZ 85381

Phone: 623-748-4890
Fax: 623-536-1984
Map & Directions

Phoenix - Desert Ridge Office:
20830 N. Tatum Blvd
Suite 210
Phoenix, AZ 85050

Phone: 623-748-4890
Fax: 623-536-1984
Phoenix Law Office Map