Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC

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Don’t let your fears keep you in an unhappy marriage

| May 2, 2018 | Divorce

If you’ve stayed in a bad marriage for too long out of fear, you’re not alone. There are myriad fears that keep people from ending an unhappy or even toxic marriage and moving on. Many of them are based on fear of the future. Others are based on what other people will think or how the decision will impact others — particularly children.

It’s reasonable to be concerned about how your children will deal with a divorce. However, research has shown that children generally do better with two happy-divorced parents than two unhappy parents arguing constantly or not speaking. If you’re concerned about not being as involved in your children’s lives as you are now, it’s important to work towards a custody and visitation agreement that will let you see your kids whenever you wish.

Too often, people are concerned that a divorce will be seen as a “failure” — particularly if they were raised in a family or religion where divorce isn’t seen as an option. Some people are even concerned about judgment from friends. You can’t worry about anyone else’s opinion. They aren’t living your life. Only you can decide what’s healthiest for you.

People often stay in unhappy marriages because they’re afraid that this is as good as it gets. No matter how wrong a spouse may be for them, they figure that person is better than a lot of people out there. In toxic relationships, one spouse will often feed into the other’s insecurities by saying that no one else would want them. People often prefer to stick with what they know rather than take a chance on finding a happier life. That’s letting fear guide your decisions. The question is whether you’d be happier out of the marriage even if you never remarry than you are in it.

Fear of being alone often is based in part on people’s fear for their financial future. While many newly-divorced people have to simplify their lifestyle somewhat, if a comfortable lifestyle is what’s keeping you in a marriage, you have to ask yourself whether it’s worth it.

As with child custody, if you’re concerned about having enough money to live on your own — particularly if you’ve been out of the workforce for some time — your Arizona family law attorney can work to get you the best possible financial settlement.

Source: Dreams Recycled, “The Ten Types of Fear that Keep You in Bad Marriages,” accessed May 02, 2018

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