How To Deal With Your In-Laws During a Divorce

The divorce process is never easy for anyone involved. Even your in-laws might struggle to navigate the shifting relationship between you, your ex-spouse, and themselves. Dealing with in-laws during divorce comes with its own challenges that you might struggle to navigate.

Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC’s divorce attorney in Goodyear, AZ, empathizes with clients facing the same struggles. We provided some tips to help you overcome the unique obstacles that might arise between you and your in-laws. Use our suggestions to reshape your relationships until you complete the divorce.

Should You Maintain Contact With Your In-Laws?

While the splitting couple endures the emotional stress a divorce creates, other parties struggle, too. For example, kids, grandparents, and even the couple’s siblings also face an uncertain future because of the disruption. After all, you’ve spent years forging familial relationships with your ex-spouse’s family members.

Where do they stand once you finalize the divorce? Should you even continue communicating with your in-laws in the first place? The following details may help you develop a balanced approach.

Do You Have Children?

You’re already wrestling with co-parenting challenges with your ex-spouse. How many days will you have custody? Who pays child support? You’ll likely work out these details in court.

However, in-law relationships become even more complicated with children. You likely want your kids to maintain loving relationships with each set of grandparents. Children often look forward to a unified family during holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations.

If you had kids within your marriage, you would likely make an effort to protect your relationship with your in-laws. If you are divorcing without children involved, you have less pressure pushing you one way or another.

Do You Share Any Assets?

Sometimes, in-laws contribute to a marriage’s financial stability. You or your ex-spouse might share ownership of a vehicle, house, or piece of land with your in-laws. This complicates the situation, and you’ll need a lawyer to navigate the handling of such assets. Tread carefully if this situation applies to you.

Tips for Dealing With In-Laws During Divorce

Now, if you and your ex-spouse have children together or you share essential assets with your in-laws, you might need to maintain contact with your in-laws. Alternatively, you might hope to rekindle your relationship with your in-laws after finalizing the divorce because you grew close to them while married. These tips for dealing with in-laws during divorce can help you move forward while protecting yourself.

Think About Your Boundaries

First and foremost, discuss appropriate boundaries with your divorce attorney. Then, enact those boundaries during the divorce. Remember: divorce is a process that doesn’t last forever. Therefore, you might loosen those boundaries once the court finalizes your divorce. However, you must protect yourself and your interests while you undergo the process.

Some appropriate boundaries might include:

• Topics you don’t want to discuss

• Schedules or routines related to childcare

• Keeping information related to the divorce private

Setting boundaries goes both ways. If your in-laws request privacy or ask that certain topics stay off the discussion table, respect their requests, too.

Maintain Respectful Communication

Maintaining civility when you engage with your in-laws can protect the current and future family dynamic. It prevents bad blood from building up that could further fracture your relationship. Your ex-spouse’s parents will naturally feel protective over their adult child and their interests.

Don’t attempt to sway them to see your perspective or defend yourself if they make verbal jabs. Instead, change the subject if they ask questions or delve into details related to the divorce. Reinforce your boundaries if necessary. Keep communications polite and as brief as possible for the time being.

Similar rules of engagement might apply when speaking to a strictly professional acquaintance:

• Only discuss details and arrangements regarding shared interests like children and other family obligations.

• Use niceties like “please,” “thank you,” “no thank you,” and “you’re welcome” when it’s appropriate.

• Consider their feelings when you talk with them.

• Be reasonably flexible and adaptable to ensure you meet their scheduling needs.

Respectful communication goes beyond your conversations with your in-laws. You will navigate a rollercoaster of emotions during the divorce, but you shouldn’t bad-mouth any involved party to outsiders. Your words might find their way to your in-laws, which can damage current and future relationships. If you need to let off some steam, do so around your counselors or your legal team, as these parties will keep your interests at heart.

Speak to Them When Necessary

Divorce communication vastly differs from the communication that comes from a stable marriage. When dealing with in-laws during divorce, you want to limit communication to only essential topics. Those topics might involve:

• School pickup and dropoff schedules

• Babysitting needs

• Family gatherings involving children

• Family emergencies

When possible, deliver updates and schedule changes through your ex-spouse. They might handle communications more appropriately during this stressful situation than you. Sometimes, in-laws might perceive necessary routine changes as an affront when the information comes from their family member’s ex-spouse.

Do Not Overshare

Even if you previously had a fantastic relationship with your in-laws, you likely don’t know their personal feelings about what’s going on throughout the divorce process. Even amicable divorces inspire intense feelings.

Your ex-spouse might unwittingly say negative things about you in the heat of the moment. This can sour your in-laws’ perception of you. As discussed above, you should restrict their access to your personal information until you complete the proceedings and reassess your relationship with them. Otherwise, they might use additional information against you.

Remember: the divorce process is temporary. Eventually, things between you and your in-laws might cool down and you won’t have to worry about anyone using your words against you. This is where a relationship reassessment might prove helpful.

Protect and Take Care of Your Personal Interests

Divorces involve splitting assets, childcare, and finances between the two parties. This division can quickly wear you down physically and mentally. You must take care of yourself and your children before all else.

No matter what other parties demand from you, prioritize personal essentials like:

• Professional counseling or therapy: Divorces evoke intense emotions. You might feel grief, regret, anger, and other new feelings. Discuss them with a licensed therapist who can help you navigate them.

• A healthy diet: You might feel stretched thin while juggling the divorce, work, and childcare obligations. Explore recipes for healthy meals you can easily cook to fuel your well-being and children.

• Time for exercise: Fresh air and sunlight are surprisingly potent mood boosters. Block out time for walks, jogs, or gym sessions.

• Time for friends and family: Your loved ones might worry about and want time to discuss things with you. If you need to socialize, schedule dinners, game nights, and other family activities to strengthen your relationships with the people in your support network.

• Plenty of rest: Take naps or sleep in an extra hour or two when you can. A rested mind is a sharp one capable of making quick decisions.

Protecting your well-being might involve communicating boundaries and needs to your immediate family as well as your in-laws. Some people can become demanding without meaning to when facing stressors they can’t control.

Embrace Changing Relationships

The family dynamics will likely shift during and after the divorce. Your once close bond with your ex-spouse’s siblings and parents may become more distant and cool. Even if you work hard to maintain those relationships, you should prepare for and embrace the impending changes.

It’s perfectly healthy to grieve these changes. Your world and support circle might become smaller overnight through no fault of your own. If the distance widens, it isn’t a moral failing on your part. It is merely a symptom of the divorce’s typical progression.

Mentally prepare yourself for these changes and embrace them as they come. Attend divorce support groups to learn what to expect from others and develop new friendships with people who are in the same boat as you.

Consult With a Divorce Lawyer

Listing communication tips for you to read only goes so far. Legalities can have gray areas that you might not recognize or know how to navigate. A divorce lawyer can help you understand when and how to talk with your in-laws.

They may also direct you toward resources to help you feel less alone throughout the proceedings. Consult with a divorce attorney in Goodyear, Arizona, for guidance on protecting yourself no matter what comes your way.

Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC, Can Help You Handle All Divorce Aspects, Including In-Laws

Lincoln & Wenk, PLLC’s divorce lawyer can assist you in dealing with in-laws during divorce and understanding your rights throughout these sizable family shifts. We can also identify resources to keep your head above the water while you process your emotions. For example, helping your kids value family despite difficult changes might require professional resources from experienced third parties.

Call 623-294-2464 to schedule a free consultation. Our team will protect and guide you until you reach the other side of the proceedings. Reach out today.