Divorcing a narcissist: What you need to remember

Getting a divorce is difficult enough with a reasonable spouse, but when you have to divorce a narcissist, your divorce can become a challenge. Narcissists love to be in control and think everything is about them, so when you try to walk away, they may make it difficult to do so.

Fortunately, there are some tips that can help you as you focus on your divorce and ending your marriage. Here is what you should know about divorcing a narcissist and tips on how to get through this challenging situation.

Your spouse is in this to win this

Remember, a narcissistic spouse is “in it to win it” and will do all they can to control the situation. They may drag out the divorce as long as possible and make it difficult for you to get through the process quickly or easily. You may know that there is no real winner in a divorce, but to them, getting what they want is a win. Punishing you may be a win, too.

Know that your spouse might say things that aren’t true or try to gaslight you. Then, prepare for court by being thorough and having solid documentation that cannot be refuted.

Your spouse will try to play games

Since your spouse wants to be in control, they may also try to play games. They could try to game the family court system by filing seemingly endless motions or making false allegations. This is all an attempt to wear you down, so hold your ground and keep your attorney informed.

Your narcissistic spouse wants you to be emotionally involved

While narcissists aren’t particularly emotional about what they’re doing, they do want you to be affected emotionally. They want to see you react badly to the things they’re doing. The best thing you can do is simply to ignore them and let your attorney handle the legal challenges.

Narcissists do change the legal nature of a divorce and make it much more necessary for you to keep strict, thorough records. Having a judge involved in the final division of assets or in setting up custody could give you peace, because your spouse is less likely to take responsibility for an unfavorable outcome. In the end, your attorney will be there to help get you through this situation. It can be challenging to divorce a narcissist, but it is possible to do so.